I'll do the talking this time
by TheKats
Summary: "Humphrey…" – She cries quietly in his ear, just like the first time she told him she had feelings for him. "No, no!" – He whispers into her loose curls. – "I'll do the taking this time"


[She doesn't know what Dan is doing on that party, among all the business people, old money and snobs. She doesn't know when he came back to New York, and she doesn't know how he ended up being invited there.]

While Chuck is talking something with few older gentlemen about his business, she stands by him, playing the well known (and already practiced for millions of times) role of a good wife (which she isn't) of his. She wears long black backless dress, with long lace sleeves, hair down in loose curls, her index finger being jeweled with black diamond ring that is matching her earrings. Once again she is acting as if she is quite older, something that was her life for years – being a little madam, with good manners, knowing what to say and how to say it, being polite and slowly but surely getting used on the fact that she will suffocate herself from her own behavior. Chuck lets her hand of, when he shakes hands with the gentlemen, in part of a second forgetting that she was there next to him (well it's about money, and even Blair Waldorf can't compete that).

Silly thought passes through her head "I wish I was bare feet". Not even at home she has that luxury. She either wears some silly sleepers (designers of course) or doesn't take her heels off. And her feet are sore…

There was a time, when she would have go straight to Dan's, took her shoes off, and sat comfortably on the sofa. Then he would have taken her feet and rub them and it was heavenly. He surely knew what he was doing. Now her 6 inch heels are practically killing her feet.

While her eyes wander through the hall full with well dressed people, her eyes lands on a well known face. He stands on the other way of the room, holding a glass of white whine, surrounded with people (women mostly) talking and laughing with them. His hair is shorter, perfectly trimmed, he wears black suit and…she forgot how handsome he was. And suddenly, the sounds from people's voices aren't audible anymore. All she can hear is her heart pounding and she has a feeling like she dived in deep water. Blood pressure raising higher and…Why is she doing this to herself? She left this man for the one that stands next to her. She left Daniel Humphrey without words (if she doesn't count her e-mails) to finally create the picture perfect with Chuck Bass, something she was dreaming for since she was sixteen.

Now all she can see is his face, his lips moving, and his eyes blinking multiple times to the women that seem to melt in front of him. It dawns on her why he is there. All young and successful people from New York are attending that party or maybe was it a ball…she can't really remember. And he is one of those people, with another book being published in less than five months after she decided to go after Chuck. And people like what he writes, because he writes about things he knows.

"I have to go the ladies room" – She whispers to Chuck, he nods, but doesn't really listens to what she says.

She tries to pass through the people (there are so many of them) and finally gets out of there. In the bathroom she is all alone (thank God), and she doesn't do anything, she is just staring at herself in the mirror. She looks as if she is thirty year old woman, married, trapped in a loveless marriage. For God's sake she is barely twenty-two. She should be somewhere in a bar right now, drinking and laughing her brains off with her friends…

What are these thoughts? She would never pick a bar over a high class party? She isn't drunk, but…

Suddenly she realizes, Dan caused all of this. She started hating going on parties or balls, where she had to be a mute doll with porcelain skin. This night she was nothing but a free escort to Chuck Bass. Once again she was put on the same list with his whores who were dying to be at least for a night with him, so they would have enough material to brag in front of their friends.

She decides to put herself together and stop wining over her own choices. She wanted Chuck and she got him – the whole package, and if it meant that she was about to stand next to him all night without saying a word and just holds his hand, so be it.

She goes back in the hall and the picture is changed. Chuck isn't there, everyone are coupling for the opening dance. She is searching for Chuck in the crowd, but there isn't a single track of him. She assumes he went on the terrace to avoid the annoying opening dance (it is mandatory for the guests because the people who organized it thought they were doing a great job setting up the young and successful yet single people who were attending it).

"Find a dancing partner, this isn't junior prom…" – Annoying voice of an older woman is managing to speak over the orchestra's music.

She is bumping into the dancing couples, trying to get to the terrace door, when a hand lightly pulls her aside. She stops, looks at the hand, at the fingers and she knows already. She lifts her eyes up and he is standing there looking at her, but his face isn't warm and full with love as it was five months ago.

"He's out with his business partners" – He says and actually she manages to hear it. Like hypnotized she changes her direction and walks a step closer to him. Her hands are going on his neck by instinct and his are gently holding her waist. She observes the people over his shoulder and it just feels right. Moments ago she was constantly asking herself what she was doing there, and now…now she has just found the right place to be.

The music is smooth, the couples are slowly moving on the sounds of some classical evergreens, and for a moment she completely forgets that they broke up. Actually that she ran away from the heaven that is embracing her once again. They move slowly, getting closer to each other with every accord, and then he slowly moves his hand up her naked back, touching her spine with his fingertips.

"Humphrey…" – She cries quietly in his ear, just like the first time she told him she had feelings for him.

"No, no!" – He whispers into her loose curls. – "I'll do the taking this time" – He breathes the words into her neck. She isn't sure why the goose bumps are invading her body. Because of his lips close to her neck or because of what he is about to say. – "I want you to know that I'm not angry any more" – He starts – "I was. So very! But, time heals everything" – Looking from aside, people would think that they are the couple that is the most in love, or that they are probably the only two people who will end up together after that dance. They fit together perfectly. Not just their bodies that are practically glued to each other, synchronized holding themselves, but their movements too…their heads resting on each other as if they were shaped just for that. – "I want you to know that I hated you every day for three months, while I was in Rome. But at nights…" – She squeezes his neck even more, pressing to him although there is no more place. – "I know that I don't stand a chance with Chuck. I knew it Blair…I knew it was too good to be true. I should have known better…I was there with you the whole time, and no matter what…you were always running back to him."

"Dan…" – She whispers again.

"I said I'd do the talking now!" – He speaks louder in her ear and sinks his fingers a little bit harder into her back. It doesn't hurt though, but she is getting the message.

"It could haven been us here…On this party…You could have been my date, and I would have never let go of your hand…and the entire time when someone would have spoken to me…I'd introduce you as my girlfriend. And for sure I wouldn't have let you wander alone through the crowd looking for me." – She closes her eyes and doesn't open them for a little while, hoping that the tears will not stop streaming down. She bites her lips but that also doesn't help. The tears are already wetting her face.

"How is it possible to hate and love someone in the same time?" – He asks, while they are moving, breaking the tight embrace and looks at her. She doesn't dare to look at him. He leans the side of his chin on her head and continues – "I fucked Serena…" – Till that moment she was listening to the music, but suddenly she is deaf after those words. His words are hanging in the air and she is the only one who can hear them. She tries to break the embrace and leave, but he holds her even tighter now." – "No, you will hear about this! And you better hear it from me" – He says. – "You see, Serena is the female version of Chuck in your life. You can't get rid of her. Deep down you hate her guts and you despise her playfulness and easy going attitude…You hate everything about her. But…she can manipulate you so well, after all these years…" – She knows the words can't be more true. – "Our disgrace, Blair, is that we are pretty much alike. We trust people. And trust me, she didn't wait for you to even change your mind about me, she came to me and told me that you were with Chuck. And I…I was a fool to believe her."

"Was it good?"- She can't recognize her own voice.

"It was a drunken revenge sex. On a counter…during that divorce party." – He says. – "I wish I could wash off the feeling and the memory, but I can't." – She wants to scream and cry when he tells her every detail he remembers." – "Don't you dare judging me, or being mad…I don't do things like that, I don't fuck around out of rage. It's your fault Blair…It's mine…" – He is close again to her ear, and she can feel his warm breath again. The whole time they are holding onto each other so hard, as if they are afraid if they split it would end up like a dream. – "How does it feel now? I fucked Serena!" – He repeats. – "I cheated on you with her. Just like everyone else does. Nate did that to you, your mother picks her over you the whole time, Yale wanted her, even though she is semi-literate…Does it hurt Blair?" – He asks, but his voice isn't malicious. She refuses to answer. His fingertips are gently stroking her spine in rhythmical movements – up to her neck and down to where her dress starts. – "I wanted to hurt you, but all I did was hurting myself even more. I don't want to see her face ever again, and if you are asking me…just a friendly advice…never take her back. Ever!" – They are still dancing, the music is even softer.

For a while he doesn't speak and again she drifts away from the reality. It just Dan and Blair, dancing on a party and later they will go in his loft, she will take her shoes off, he will rub her feet, then they will find a perfect position on the sofa to watch a movie, while she will constantly complain that she is crumpling her dress, until she takes it off and lays in his arms and finally relaxes her body and falls asleep feeling his soft exhaling on her head.

"This will end and then you will go home with him, pretending it didn't happen, keeping us a secret, because you are petrified that there is still something going on between us. But you are the queen of denial and you will fall asleep next to him, occasionally being disturbed by my scent on you, and you will take a shower, but it won't go away." – All of a sudden she is aware that he smells so good. – "I know I will".

The music stops and a loud applause is given by the crowd for the orchestra. They are still holding on each other not bothering to applaud. Then she takes her hands off his neck and he looses his hands around her waist. She finally dares to look at him.

"I made a mist…" – She starts.

"I said I don't want to hear a word you say!" – He cuts her. – "Don't talk…" – Their faces are just few inches away, and it's nothing new. His eyes are deep dark brown as usual, framed with long eyelashes, and he isn't blinking while she stares at him. She remembers how he used to move his eyes from hers and looking into her lips, making her burn from anticipation till he would have kissed her. Not now…He is just looking into her eyes, trying to realize some things. She doesn't know if he does. Instinctively she puts her hands on his neck, going closer to his lips and just before she presses her red glossy lips on his (completely unaware that Chuck might be somewhere around) he gently turns his head to the right.

"No." – He says. She stays for a second realizing that he rejected her, but still decides to kiss him, half an inch away from his lips. It lasts longer than it should, and she never knows that he closed his eyes.

Finally he breaks apart, looks at her once again and walks away.

She realizes that she got used on his body and hands and suddenly it's cold.

When the other dance stars, she sort of wakes up from a dream and now she is all alone. She spots Chuck in the crowd who is walking to her with a smile. He says something about his business and how the two gentlemen are good for it, but she doesn't listen to him.

"Let's dance" – He says, putting his hand on her waist. It feels so wrong and doesn't match her back at all. She is sick and she can't stand it. Chuck doesn't understand anything. He calls a car for her and sends her home alone, because he can't leave his future business partners.

She goes at the empty penthouse, takes her heels of and walks around bare foot, letting the marvel cools her sore feet. It feels good…

The elevator dings and she blinks heavily almost rolling her eyes, tired of the whole night, thinking that now she will have to pretend that she wants to be with Chuck, when she still feels Dan's hands on her. She walks bare foot to the foyer…but it's not Chuck.

He is looking at her, intensively and she is confused. In part of a second his gaze leaves her eyes and lands on her lips. She makes one insecure step towards him.

"Wha…" – But again he cuts her words.

"Don't talk." – He says. Now that she isn't wearing her heels, he appears so much taller. – "I changed my mind" – He says, looking down at her. – "Kiss me!" – He commands.


End file.
